Let’s get the disclaimer out of the way right out of the gate: This is a clumsy recap of personal and creative stuff from 2024. If you’re not into that kind of thing, I’ll see you on the flip side in 2025 with some posts that are more clearly related to creativity and po’ biz. ❤️
If you choose to stick around and indulge me, we’re starting with a big question: How is it possible to have one of the most transformative years of my life and *still* feel like I achieved nothing?
In the past, I would’ve accepted that dissonance as a “me-problem” and made lots of notes about how to get my shit together for the coming year. But one of the incredible gifts of 2024 has been hearing and trusting my own wisdom. Sure, it still has that new car smell. The vinyl still squeaks when you settle into your seat, and the steering is stiff, but a new kind of knowing is clearly present. And I’m so grateful.
So now, when I hear myself say something like “I’m transformed AND unproductive,” my bullshit detector goes off. Maybe one day I won’t have the thought in the first place, but for now, I’m content with challenging it and dismissing it. I know with every fiber of my being that productivity as a measure is not only a tool of capitalism but also — and perhaps more importantly — far too narrow of a lens to capture our most meaningful experiences.
For me, the year really got started in April with the solar eclipse, which Chris and I watched from Burlington, Vermont, in the path of totality. I still tell anyone who will listen that it changed my life. It sounds goofy AF and over-the-top, and I just don’t care. What I saw and felt was the most profound awe of my life. The magic and power were undeniable, and it became clear: that giddy feeling was what I needed more of in my life. And I needed it immediately, so I spent the year getting after it.
Here are some of the highlights:
Making changes: New job, who dis?
I quit my job of over 13 years. I reached out to the universe for greater alignment (hello, eclipse energy) and landed a new gig that’s refreshing in every way.
Adopting a new mentality: Strong not skinny
In an effort to lean into strength training, I learned to fuel my body vs. attempting the extreme calorie cutting they taught us in the 80s and 90s. The results surprised me. I got stronger, and I lost over 25 lbs (weight from 2020-2023, i.e. quarantine and its aftermath) … all while struggling with perimenopause. What I’m most proud of is how, after decades of feeling betrayed by my body, I now feel empowered and confident.
Rethinking po’ biz
I spent the first six months of the year dramatically revising my poetry manuscript and continuing to send it out. In the process, I crossed the 30-submission mark. And then? I pressed pause. Even though some of the responses included positive signs about the viability of the manuscript, all were ultimately rejections except two that I’m waiting on. I am writing still, just not as much as I used to. I completed Sarah Freligh‘s August Micro-a-Day challenge, gathered some free writes in my journal, attended a couple of local open mics and featured at one.
I’ll get more serious about po’biz again in the future, I’m sure, but for now I’m reassessing what I’m doing, who I’m doing it for and what I want out of it.
“For no particular reason, I decided to go for a run.”
You have to read that in your best Forrest Gump voice, of course. This year, I got back into running, after a 4-year hiatus. I’m not sure why I stopped, and I’m still just dabbling (averaging 1-2 runs/week), but I did my first road race in ages and am excited to see what I can accomplish when I up my mileage.
Making a safe space
I’m not going to get into it too deeply, but I made lots of progress trusting myself with myself. Here, the wisdom is about learning I don’t need to wait around to master specific fancy coping skills or to understand things fully. I’ve been practicing sitting with trauma, and that by itself is healing. So one of the most therapeutic parts of talk therapy is the talking? Who knew!?! LOL It’s helping me come to a new piece of knowledge: I got me. And that’s having interesting side effects, like letting people in more and embracing vulnerability.
Picking up a paint brush
Art making has come and gone in my life over the years, but mostly, it has been gone. This year, it started calling to me again, however. I had lots of resistance and fear about it initially because I was taking myself too seriously. I’ve been working through it and trying to make it about play. I have some things I want to pursue in 2025, but for now, I’m just practicing and exploring. (You can follow me on an Instagram account dedicated to this art journey here.)
So what now? What’s up next? On the heels of this awkward ritual — the recap — there may be another one: the resolutions, the intentions, the goals for 2025. But if not, the main theme is this: I’m trying to channel the magic and wisdom from 2024 into a new model for writing and art making and being in the world.
That means returning to this idea that we can create what we need for ourselves and for our communities. Our strength lies there, not with typical measures like publications or likes or beauty standards or even elections. That’s a story for another day, but sticking to the theme I have going here, we got us.
We got us.
We make something out of nothing. Almost every day. And the worlds we make are as real as any we’ve been handed. And they’re ours. They belong to us. Imagine how powerful we are when we keep building. Imagine it like it’s already true — and suddenly it is.
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