i receive daily emails for horoscope, love horoscope and tarot reading. it’s all generated by a computer, of course, based on my zodiac sign. today’s tarot reading: “things are looking rather grim in your love life today.”
but the word on the street, which, as you know, has much more credibility, was something i overheard across the alley: “my afternoon violet is getting buds.”
i receive an additional daily email called “hopeful divorce.” today’s was about the author getting a tattoo to remind her that despite the divorce, love makes us strong. this line resonated with me: “it hurt but the pain almost seemed a part of what I wanted — you shall feel this change.” in the midst of life falling apart (my mom’s dying, my marriage disintegrating) i did get a tattoo. a large dragon – more feminine than fierce, though don’t doubt her for a minute.
the pain was part of the point. i wanted to feel the changes, starting with how it felt to reclaim my body. and so it’s interesting entering new relationships during a process like that. there are sharp twinges. there are phantom pains (“baggage,” as the kids say). but i’m feeling every one of them and taking in every detail. it sure as hell beats putting my head down and getting by. that’s the biggest transformation i’ve noticed in the last several months — a lifting of shame, a gratitude for how alive everything is. today, it’s afternoon violets.