This blog post isn’t the product of me berating myself because I’d abandoned the damn thing for too long. It isn’t the product of me saying, “Well, Carolee, you know you should…” Instead, it’s the result of being inspired by what I’m hearing around me.
It’s been a while since I’ve written online and in public, and I have no idea what the hell is going on in this draft.
up and down. the pendulum swings and it swings back. i write about divorce. i don’t write about divorce. i think where i am now is that i just don’t lead with it… unless sage asks me to.
i’m pretty much over the i’m-going-through-a-divorce storyline entirely. i’m ready to shed it. to skinny dip my way through my life. to dive into my relationship not as antidote but as its own Very Good Love. to explore motherhood and citizenship without schlepping around my baggage and lamenting its weight. to be an artist not as survivor of anything but as one with tremendous fire and spirit apart from battle.
i am blessed to have really wise (and entertaining, oh my!) friends. one of the smartest things one of them has tried to help me understand is also one of the hardest to hear: “your suffering’s not so special.” he may have cited it as a buddhist thing (or maybe not), but here’s my tough love translation: “girlfriend, get over yourself….” OR to quote R.E.M. (we should all quote R.E.M. more often. who’s with me?): “everybody cries and everybody hurts sometime.”
let me begin by saying that if an acquaintance or co-worker or casual friend is going through divorce, by all means follow the advice offered by the author: keep your mouth shut about who’s to blame and don’t give any advice (emotional, legal or otherwise). however, if your sister or BFF or close friend or someone you really, really dig is going through divorce, that kind of luke-warm approach will probably be completely unhelpful (#1), make her feel further alienated (#2) and totally piss her off (#3).
it was terribly confusing all those years. it was training for not trusting words: i love you. and it was training in paying close attention to my gut. it took me a long time to recognize that it was right about my marriage. now, i don’t waste much time questioning it.