so far, november hasn’t been a month full of poems (though i have been making notes), but it has been a month of clarity and action. i’ll take it. this month, i have made a huge decision about my MFA, which i’ll share with you as soon as i can, and i have signed the 30-page separation agreement with my ex (reaching that agreement was the only thing standing between us and divorce).
in addition, i have accepted that even though it doesn’t feel as good, knowing what i don’t want in romance can be as helpful as knowing what i do want, and i gave myself this permission: you do not have to explain.
i’m even feeling less frantic about winter (though don’t tell anyone; i don’t know if i’ll be able to stop myself from complaining). i’m still going to hate the cold and dark, of course, but i don’t feel as afraid about getting through it. maybe the approaching season was getting the blame for all the rest of the craziness. maybe by satisfying some of the questions, i’m letting winter off the hook. i don’t know. i’m not *that* clear about everything, ha ha. don’t get me wrong – i’m still devastated that it’s totally dark when i get out of work. however, it’s entirely possible that i will survive it.